she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
