If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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