LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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