No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
