9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
