We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
