And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize