Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
