and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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