It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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