How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
