Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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