At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
