i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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