Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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