are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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