Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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