great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
