Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
