All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
