I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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