you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
