Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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