16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this hospital has no fireball
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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