Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize