Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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