Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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