why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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