So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
