if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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