Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
