Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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