Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
