you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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