My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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