So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize