Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
