He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
