Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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