Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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