i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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