Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
