allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
