So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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