Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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