I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
