During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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