he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
