Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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