Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
