Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
