Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
These tits shall not be calmed
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