I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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