Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
