if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
