before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
