he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
