Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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