no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
