real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
