the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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