and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
