I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
