toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
