Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
