totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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