Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
