Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
